It has been brought to my attention that SLA lacks any sort of rules for elevators or elevator-based encounters. This gross lack of oversight troubles me. Think of the possibilities inherent in your average elevator - disasters, hideous murders, loud heavy metal music.....

Dark Lament Elevators: Piloted by a special navigator, with at least twenty-one ranks of Reality Folding. These massive biotech elevators are some of the finest in SLA. Special Science Friction devices play muzak that actually soothes & calms the rider, (due to massive use of Voice of the Ebb of course). The glyphs for the various floors are nigh indestructible and impossible for untrained personnel to read. The elevator has no cables, rather it reality folds to its destination. Occasional mishaps have occured, but are not discussed. (Including the one op lucky enough to be sent to Hawaii).

Random Encounters: As a GM it is your job to keep the game interesting. Therefore, the average elevator ride must be fraught (?) with peril. Load your elevators according to the following rules and I guarentee it will be a harrowing experience for your players.

Encounter Rolls on the elevator : 1d100 - 10 (min. negative five). (Multiply by 5 in Japan & Deodorant commercials, min. becomes negative twenty-five)
Type: There is automatically a Renegade Necanthrope on any elevator with any sort of personnel on it. For the rest, roll on the following table: 01-09 Another Renegade Necanthrope
10 Loyal Necanthrope. (This should be done sparingly, as everyone knows there are no loyal Necanthropes)
11-20 Serial Killer. (Note, in certain campaigns, this should be 1-20)
21-30 Murder Victim. Roll 1d10 on the folowing table for method of death:

1. Declawed with a bazooka.
2. Stabbed d10^d10^d10 times.
3. Hands cut off.
4. Chair legs through all body orifices.
5. Strangled with headphone cables.
6. Completely mutilated in an operation that must have taken at least 2 hours obviously performed in a matter of seconds.
7. Dead.
8.Pepsi can crammed into mouth. (20% chance Sprite)
9.Drawn & Quartered. (40% Horses still present)
10. Special Death. (Use your own brain, damn it!)

31-40 Thresher Powersuit armour. (The only way I've ever found to introduce Thresher to an adventure)
41 GWAR Fans attempting to assemble a Death Pod. (apologies all around)
42-50 Black Chapter / Cloak / Internal Affairs / Stigmartyr / Other
Organization of the Week Operative who stares at the players the whole ride, writing notes, scanning them with a laser and telling them about how he hasn't had a good execution recently.
51-60 A Manchine which stares at the players and looks guilty.
61-62 D1000 Tek Trex machines. (Only use found for them too, might as well use 'em when you get the chance)
63-65 Four or more Props. (Remember, props are solitary creatures(SLA, p.98)
66-69 Land Mines
70-72 The Elevator is on Fire.
73-74 Earthquake.
75-76 Plane Crash.
77-78 Cables snapping.
79-80 Poltergeist possesses elevator & makes lights flicker & players miss stops.
81-82 Elevator speeds up.
83-84 Elevator slows down.
85-86 Elevator neither speeds up nor slows down.
87-88 Not 85-86.
89-90 Wave Lindsay's Integration Twenty is lying on the floor of the elevator. (Knew we left it somewhere)
91-92 A Mysterious hanging sign saying "Fear Rating Fiveteen" which causes the players to quake in fear.
93-94 A small, scorpion-like creature, which is slowly dissassembling the elevator. When confronted with this fact, it acts innocent, while picking the players' pocket for anything it can use to cause more property damage with.
95-96 Carnivorous Razorback.
97-98 Carrien Children.
99 A Third Eye news crew shooting the sequel to Speed with live weapons & explosives.
100 A Derailed Amtrak train, hurtling through the air, collides with the elevator.
Yes, by merely using this encounter table faithfully w/o regard for reality (predator-prey relationships & all that, for example, you'd never find a Loyal Necanthrope in real life) you too can wreck your campaign! Should this fail to work, watch for my next article "Perhaps we should take the stairs!", in which we introduce the hazards of trying to walk it off!

Part 2

It has been pointed out to me that I was very remiss in providing game rules in my article, concentrating entirely on setting. Therefore, please stay with me a little while longer while I correct this:-
Declawing with a Bazooka: An optional combat maneuver. The user simply must have a bazooka to perform this task, something that has made its occurence few & far between. (Note: Bazooka means Bazooka. No Armbrusts, Panzerfausts (either version), FENs, whatever) To declaw someone, shoot them. Generally, it doesn't really matter where this happens, but purists insist on the limb to be declawed. All standard rules are used, plus the wielder loses the benefit of any natural claws in the limb. (Second note : You can't shoot him in the head & claim it as a Declawing attack. What you are considering is actually Dental Surgery and will be covered at a later date)

Accidents & Elevators: (On a case by case basis)

Fire - The fire burns through the cables & occupants, the elevator falls and everyone dies.

Bombs - The blast blows apart the cables & occupants, the elevator falls and everyone dies.

Cables Snapping - The elevator falls and everyone dies.

Gunfire - The elevator is unscathed, but the participants all die.

Earthquakes - SLA Elevators are extremely safe in Earthquakes. Unfortunately, the buildings they are found in are not. The building falls over and everyone dies.

Elevator Racing:

Elevator racing is an ancient art, practiced by Necanthropes with too much FLUX on their hands. This is many a Necanthrope's first step on the path to becoming a Renegade, the racing of elevators. Soon, they are running with scissors (DEX check once per phase or suffer 2 Powerclaymore hits to the same location), jumping on the beds (Dark Lament furniture is sentient & often attacks those who do this) and refusing to recycle. (Instant death at the hands of Cloak. Curiously, Stigmartyr does not prosecute for this offense)

Apologies, but I simply could not let a published article stand devoid of these critical rules.

© Peter Bogdasarian 1995.